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"He's always been an optimist."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Doctor Frankenstein creates a new monster that makes the mob even more blood thirsty. Colour

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Free speech isn't cheap!

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Slow Night

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Sermon Applause.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"That's my novel."

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'