Sermon Appreciators Pillows

"After last week's incident, I'd like to talk about one of the lesser-known Commandments - Thou Shalt Not Heckle."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

How's my sermon. . .

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Shakespeare Quote

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

Sermon Applause.

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Oscars 2024

Disease-y Top

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

The Clueless Diver

"He's always been an optimist."