Serial Winner Pillows

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

First Prize!

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

Medalist wears five gold medals to form olympic rings.

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

Congratulations for male runner

"You again, Paul?! Hey, you must know this ceremony inside out!"

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

"That's where everyone started getting sick of me."

"If winning isn't everything, why do you break down and cry when your stocks fall?"

"I'm in the mood to swipe left on everything."

"I'm convinced...we've both been married one too many times!"

'Yeah, I misplaced my winning Lottery ticket. I'm always losing things. I've lost my Oscar, my Nobel Peace Prize, my chunk of moon rock, my collection of four leaf clover's...'

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

"Since he won the lottery he thinks he's too good to hand around with us."

"It is a tossup between the devil you don't know and the devil you don't wan to know."

'Not really interested in the meaning of life. I want to know what's going to happen on my soaps?'

"Apparently, they're 'old money'. He's one of the very first National lottery winners."

"Do you recall how my eHarmony profile said I love to hike? Well, I lied."

500 channels and still ntohing we haven't seen before!

A misunderstanding between two passengers

"How was my internet date? Put it this way, I went online hoping for broadband; I got dial-up."

"She's planning a big wedding, and why not. You only get married for the third time once."

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

When Tia Carmen says... "It is not only what we do that we are held responsible for, but also for what we do not do." it means...she's writing to the network asking that they not kill off her favorite telenovela character.

"I hate how she seems to think that she's so much more depressed than everyone else."

'Will the Buffo cure Gwendolyn's headache? Will it upset her stomach? Tune in to tomorrow's commercial and find out!'

Tradesman/Lottery Millionaires entrance

'Hooked on the soaps? Why, you poor thing -- of course we can put you on disability!'

"Congratulations Mr. Baker! Out of hundreds of entries you have won third prize in the chronicle's prize draw - a years supply of firm hold hairspray."