Sergeants Gifts

“Sarge - When do I get to blow shit up?”

General's Office. He put me in charge of nocturnal operations! "The Sarge of the Night Brigade"!

Military Drill

'We're over quota for medals right now, Sargent, but here's a smiley-face sticker for you.'

Guess who's going to be a sergeant major when he grows up?

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Wedding disaster #27.

'At ease, soldier.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Yes ... no!"

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

'You know the rules, private - no pets!'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

Saying Grace.

"Lemming Boot Camp"

'...and this is the Mess.'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

A declaration - man tells a girl that she has stolen his heart.

Verbal Orders

"'Better or worse' and 'richer or poorer' are NOT choices."

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'