Sentimental Decorator Pillows

"Gracie, I know it means a lot to you...but the Christmas tree has got to go."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Painting the Ceiling

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

Face Painting.

'The roof needs icing.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

Redecorating Easter Island.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Quick, press control Z!'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'