Sensitivity Connoisseur T-Shirts

"In my experience, Ted, the true size of the person is measured by the size of what disturbs him..."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Bathroom Fairy

Zora Neale Hurston

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

The Sensitive Dude.

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"It's not icky - it's tactile."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"Now this is what I call a true work of genius. . . And I haven't even read it yet."

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

"What pheromone are you using?"

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

'To put it simply, our policy just isn't complicated enough.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"Hi honey, could you run by the bookstore on the way home? We're almost out of poetry."

HP Sauce/HP Lovecraft

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

Paul Verlaine

Specialising in Multiple Personality Disorder

Duelling personalities.

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"Of course no one is drinking the wine - it's the Murder Mystery Writers Association."

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

"I envy you - I wish I were close enough to my family to be estranged."

TV listings for the 'small screen'.

'I've gone from watching movies in Cinemascope to a smart phone...and they call this progress?'

'Oliver's a very sensitive singer-songwriter.'

"What do you mean, 'Have your lawyer call me lawyer'?... you are my lawyer!"