Sensitivity Connoisseur Pillows

"In my experience, Ted, the true size of the person is measured by the size of what disturbs him..."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Bathroom Fairy

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

The Sensitive Dude.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

"It's not icky - it's tactile."

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"What pheromone are you using?"

'To put it simply, our policy just isn't complicated enough.'

Specialising in Multiple Personality Disorder

HP Sauce/HP Lovecraft

Duelling personalities.

Paul Verlaine

"Hi honey, could you run by the bookstore on the way home? We're almost out of poetry."

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"Of course no one is drinking the wine - it's the Murder Mystery Writers Association."

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

TV listings for the 'small screen'.

"I envy you - I wish I were close enough to my family to be estranged."

"What do you mean, 'Have your lawyer call me lawyer'?... you are my lawyer!"

"This martini in canonical."