Sensationalism Skeptic Gifts

"What's new?"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

Fini. That show was schmaltzy, way too sentimental. I'll never criticize anything that can be described as "cheesy"!

Doing Something About the Weather

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

House of Wishful Thinking

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

Actual Results May Vary

'Our financial statement was delivered 'postage due'. Think that's a sign?'

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'

'It's not an audition, it's a job interview and please don't tell me to 'break a leg'.'

Alternative Accountants

Demon in the elevator. Man says: 'Sorry, are you going up or down?'

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

"I did the math, and I'm telling you I have two left!"