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Senior Pick-Up Lines

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Recess does things to a man."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

...The origin of the word daisy is from Anglo Saxon 'Daes Eage,' literally meaning 'days eye' because daisies open at dawn.'

'Do you come here often?'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'Have a drink while I slip into something comfortable.'

"Wanna go out?"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Man about lady in rocking chair with roll bars: 'Never too old to rock and roll.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'Did someone say something?'

Old man has a walking stick case.

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'I didn't know people still played footsie.'

Life begins at 60

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'Sweet, Caroline?'