Seminarian Gifts

"Normally, we just assume that our seminary candidates are of good character."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Here we are."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

How to engage an audience

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'

'Yes, that person there...'

Time management office worker

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

'She's attending a 'confidence empowerment' seminar, to have her aura recharged.'

Tonight's topic Ethical behavior. Personally, I let my conscience by my guide, but I do the driving!

"Maybe there's a free lunch, too?"

'All right, all right, Hershman, you can go attend the 'improve your negotiating skills' seminar.'

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'