Seminary Graduate Gifts

"How long ago did you say you graduated from the seminary?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Here we are."

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

How to engage an audience

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

"I attended a leadership seminar, they learnt a lot from me."

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

Time management office worker

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

"I hope I haven't taken you aback by asking you to attend the change seminar."

'She's attending a 'confidence empowerment' seminar, to have her aura recharged.'

Tonight's topic Ethical behavior. Personally, I let my conscience by my guide, but I do the driving!

"Maybe there's a free lunch, too?"