Seminar Presenter Gifts

Applying skills in teaching special needs students to dealing with colleagues.

"We were wondering if you could take the bodywork seminar elsewhere."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Showbiz Awards

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Here we are."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

Presentation skills.

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.