Seminars Gifts

'...and that concludes this five-hour seminar on 'slow life'.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to work late tonight, I want you to attend this talk on work-life balance.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'Before I answer your question, let me briefly review my list of strategies for dealing with difficult people.'

'Dang, I forgot my notes!'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

In-Service Seminars for Teachers

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Norman needed some help with his presentation technique'

'Welcome. We will start shortly. Please be patient. Our guest speaker has accidentally locked himself in the men's room.'

'Yes, I'm coaching this workshop. Come in, you stupid idiot!'

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"Feel free to use it. It's an emergency escape hatch if you say something controversial."

'As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time...'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'

Time management office worker

'George, are you SURE this is the seminar we signed up for? I haven't heard a single word about managing cash flow in a small business!'

Get rich quick giving seminars!

Everyone seemed more relaxed after the Down Skill & Dumb Up seminar.

The Collective Unconscious

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'You doubtless remember my speech last year...'

"I have come to a specific and definite conclusion about the Constitution: It's ok, I guess."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"Here we are."

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

SELF-FULFILLMENT SEMINAR: 'Stop letting people walk on you'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

The first step of the training is 'Jumping Out of The Box.'

Plumber School. 1. Never bring the right tools. 2. Always go back to fetch them. 3. Suck your teeth.

I'm attending a 3 week, 6-part seminar with 15 speakers to learnhow to think for myself.

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"I enjoyed your speech. Although I was sorry to miss my children growing up."