Selling A House Pillows

'I'm just sayin', maybe we should look for another real estate agent!'

'Now before you get all upset, I got ten percent above market value.'

"When I said it might sell faster if you put in a new driveway, I meant if you repaved the old one."

'Would you mind holding my printer, my other phone is ringing!'

God Bless Our Asking Price

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

"Yes, I know what all the comps say, but my house is special."

For Sale

Sketchy Real Estate Agent

'Property ownership is SO nineties! Gerald and I sold our house to a private consortia and are leasing back.'

For Sale.

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

'We need to update our gravel, install a fake treasure chest, and get one of those lifelike scuba divers. Apparently, it's all about curb appeal.'

'My bubble burst!'

Shoe house.

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'Let's see, you folks need to sell your home before you buy a new one. How about waiting in the lobby for 2 or 3 years.'

"Hang on - I thought you said it was a listed building..!!"

'For added curb appeal, I think you should fill the moat.'

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

Home seller has given up after reducing price many times.

'By appointment only!!!'

'Is this the open house?'

Sold at almost the price we bought it for

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

For sale sign 'Don't take that down, it's holding up the house.'

Real Estate Sign - Desperation...

"Nonsense! What makes you think there may be a damp problem?"

'It's neither a buyer's market or a seller's market. At the moment, it's an estate agent's market.'

'Let's sell the house and move into your tax shelter.'

"Using our house as a makeshift morgue is going to make it harder to sell."

"We worked on this place for years – a real labor of love."

"Leave this house and never return! It's a seller's market!"

"We'll be back Monday. Feed the cats, water the plants and ask for one-forty-two-five."

A sign outside a house reads "For sale"; the house next door also has a sign that reads "Me too".