Self-promotion Gifts

"Nothing showy, but we would like to be publicized."

"I've closed the fennerman deal, Ellen. Have some people toot my horn."

"O.K., well, think about it, but remember, I find my own food, I'm quiet, and you don't have to take me for walks."

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

Man replaces a bust with one of himself.

'If you want to brag about yourself, start a blog.'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Blog Breakdown

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

"I've decided to redefine as a GREAT artist."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

"I'm doing a think piece on me."

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

"Jazz fusion, modern country or my podcast - my podcast it is!"

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

"That one goes particularly well with you tie."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

The Social Media Expert

This could be your blurb.

School of Music: Blowing Your Own Trumpet.

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

Lawyers - Counsel Chapotard reading in a Law Journal an article by himself praising himself

'These personal statements are just me...me...me!'

"After I expounded on my greatness all morning, it's funny he never complimented me on my humility."

Dust jackets for people.

"Résumé? Dude, Google me!"

"His fan mail keeps ten secretaries busy. Writing it!"

"Contestants, you have thirty seconds, two hundred and eighty characters, and an unfamiliar topic—can you find a way to make it all about you?"