Self-proclaimed Royalty Pillows

'Stanley likes to think he's king of his castle.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

King George I

'How about a game of cards?'

Czarcasm

'The Burrito King.'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"She wishes to range free!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

TV jester.

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

Princess Anne

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

The Unhappy King

'The King of what?'