Self-love Practitioner Pillows

"I'm diagnosing selfie-steem issues."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Woman looking into a mirror

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"Does this make me think I look good?"

Me when by BDD shows up

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

Mankini - One size fits all.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending" yourself on Facebook."

"Gracie, can you make me soar?"

When psychiatrists do self analysis.

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"

'I want to be yummy mummified.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'I'm at the age when everything Mother Nature gave Father Time is taking away...'

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

"Good morning, folks, this is Captain Holwood from the flight deck. We'll be cruising at thirty-five thousand feet today, and I'll be finally taking control of my life, struggling to satisfy the needs of only one person—me!"

"Do you promise to love and comfort yourself, on good days and bad, for richer, for poorer, in weight gain and loss, as long as you shall live?"

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''

Narcissus

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

"Can't do 3 p.m. — I'm scheduled for a migraine."

"Have you ever thought of your needs first?"

'See, I told you you were beautiful.'