Self-love Guru Pillows

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

Self Love Witch

"He's so vain. If you wanted to drown him, you would only have to install a mirror on his swimming pool floor."

'I'm at the age when everything Mother Nature gave Father Time is taking away...'

"Executive loving his own image."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"You left your demons here last week."

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"You're solemates!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

Words of Love

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

I'm putting all my eggs in one basket.

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

You are what you eat!

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

The Love Psychologists

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

An evening with Stanley Bucholtz, relationship MD,,,tonight: 'Just ONE evening,,,'