Self-love Gifts

Why, thank you - it's very kind of you to say so. You look good too.'

Every year, Tiffany was shocked to see that her birthday was still not listed as a national holiday...

'Happy birthday,gorgeous!'

"Morning Gorgeous!"

Narcissus discovers t-shirts

"Whenever I meet somebody, I try and accept them for who I am."

"One nice thing about being an amoeba, nobody ever tells you you're out of shape!"

"The universe loves me!"

I heart my bum.

God Loves Those Who Love Themselves

Narcissism...Self Inflicted Love Bites.

'Love your obesity.'

'He always carries a picture of the one he loves-it's in his passport!'

Miss Jumbo Queen Pageant.

I love me.

'He finally kissed the one he loves and then cut his lips on the mirror.'

'It's the first time I've had sex with a girl. . . I mean a girl as hot as myself.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Why are you so fat? -Gary. *Actual reader questions. I'm not fat, but buxom and womanly. Once this was sexy, but times have changed. Waifs are in. That's okay. I keep my chin up, stay positive and always remember one thing. I could eat Kate Moss in one sitting! Mgmt note: Don't construe as premeditated attack.

Self Love Witch

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

Narcissus locket.

The PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING ALONE BOAT

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

"Whenever I'm feeling down, I throw myself a parade."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Self help acupuncture

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Work/Life Balance

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

Bad fake tan day.

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Bad hair day!