Self-improvement Champion Pillows

"Ambitions . . . to get my eyes tested."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

Participation awards: You didn't eat all the fries; You're trying to scroll less; You remembered to bring the reusable bag to the store; You flossed!; Someone else was later than you.

Man emphasizing that he has quit

"Maybe, if we wanna be popular with girls, we should just be ourselves."

Congratulations on the fabulous new you

"I've had therapy and this IS the best possible version of myself."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

What else is there to wish for?

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"You left your demons here last week."

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"Are you OK hun?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

When life gives you lemons...

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Learn yourself English.