Self-improvement Champion Pillows

"Ambitions . . . to get my eyes tested."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

Participation awards: You didn't eat all the fries; You're trying to scroll less; You remembered to bring the reusable bag to the store; You flossed!; Someone else was later than you.

Man emphasizing that he has quit

"Maybe, if we wanna be popular with girls, we should just be ourselves."

Congratulations on the fabulous new you

"I've had therapy and this IS the best possible version of myself."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

What else is there to wish for?

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"You left your demons here last week."

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"Are you OK hun?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

Self Help / Elf Help.

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

When life gives you lemons...

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'