Self-improvement Champ Pillows

"This year I resolve to be a better person inside and out."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

What else is there to wish for?

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"You left your demons here last week."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

When life gives you lemons...

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

It's A Breeze

Learn yourself English.