Self-image Strategist T-Shirts

'She's my age!!'

"Nice haircut."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

TV-Mirror.

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'Cosmetic surgery.'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

"Don't make me look fat!"

"Stock photo, right?"

Cartoon Panel Discussion

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

'I'd like to buy a frame that adds youth to a portrait.'

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"Does this dress make my ass stick out?"

'Admit it, Henry, you only love me for my hair.'

'I'll take THIS mirror.'

"I'm trying to find that perfect piece of art that will make me think I know something about art."

'I look huge in this picture! Do you think you could cut and paste a glass or something into my hand, so it looks like I've just eaten?'

Presenting a better image

A little powder and a little paint makes a girl what she ain't!

"I reckon he's compensating for something."

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'