Self-esteemers Gifts

'I'm sorry, but at your weight it could be dangerous for you to take part.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

PROBLEM AREAS

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Ego Increasing School

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Aging Problems

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

"Gracie, can you make me soar?"

'Great white shark! Where do they get that 'great' stuff? Know how hard that is to live up to?'

"Anymore, I'm appearing in only small secondary rolls in my dreams."

Tell me about this feeling of inadequacy

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.