Self-esteem Seeker Gifts

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

"When someone doesn't like me I like them. . . when someone likes me I don't like them."

Woman standing behind boss with sign saying 'Applause'.

'Do you do egos?'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

"Sometimes I find myself going to a notary public just for the acknowledgement."

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

I'm OK, You're OK - They Suck (self-help books)

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

'Don't fret. They hyenas laugh at everyone.'

'Yeah, they're big... But I'm big.'

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

'That guy you make fun of all the time is here to see you.'

All dressing rooms now have dimmer switches

'Do I look fat in this perfume?'

"Does it make my sacrum look big?"

"It helps me feel accepted in the world."

"I don't particularly enjoy this, but we're on dash cam and I look better when I smile."

"I'm looking for a wine that'll compensate for my overall lack of masculinity."

"Do I look heavy to you?"

"I really hate most of my legs."

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

'Jack, if you're taking pictures, I'll stay submerged! You know we always look bigger out of water.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Do I look bad a** in this?"

"It was Seniors Discount Day at the drug store, but I paid full price otherwise I'd be admitting I was old."

"I'm returning this mirror. It makes me look fat."

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

A Pat on the Back: $1.00

Self-Esteem Clinic - take a number, you deserve it.

'My best friend snarled at me this morning!'

"You've got to help me! - I'm a white male heterosexual!"

"I preferred you when you had long hair, Tom."

The Achiever: competing with the appearance of virtue

Insecurity Camera