Self-esteem Strategists Pillows

"Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean...."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

PROBLEM AREAS

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Ego Increasing School

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

Tell me about this feeling of inadequacy

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

'I envy your metabolism.'

All dressing rooms now have dimmer switches

"Even my mother and father never believed in me."

"Be honest, Ralph, does my butt makes these pants look big?"