Self-esteem Strategists Pillows

"Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean...."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

PROBLEM AREAS

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

Ego Increasing School

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

'I envy your metabolism.'

All dressing rooms now have dimmer switches

"I wish I was special."

"Everytime I wear boxer shorts, the Fruit of the Loom guys start laughing."

"Be honest, Ralph, does my butt makes these pants look big?"