Self-esteem Analyst Pillows

'Have you seen me? Nevermind that, have you seen yourself lately? You look like crap.'

"I've had the creepiest feeling lately that every woman in the office is not undressing me with her eyes."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Aging Problems

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Ego Increasing School

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'Great white shark! Where do they get that 'great' stuff? Know how hard that is to live up to?'

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

"Gracie, can you make me soar?"

"Anymore, I'm appearing in only small secondary rolls in my dreams."

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

Tell me about this feeling of inadequacy

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"