Self-enthusiast Gifts

Tunnel of self-love.

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

Team Leader

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

What else is there to wish for?

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'You are a self-starter... problem is, you never finish anything.'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

Self Help / Elf Help.

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"We finally found a way to bottle enthusiasm."

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

It's A Breeze

Life is like a tube of toothpaste

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

When you're wearing your big girl pants...You Can Take On The World!

I am your BIGGEST fan!

A gorilla at a cocktail party thinking to himself "Fake it 'til make it".

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

"So. Mr Smith, what makes you think you are too controlling?"

Paranoia Clinic

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending" yourself on Facebook."