Self-employment Seeker Gifts

"You can call them up and they come round and talk you out of it..."

"Being a pet is all right, but I prefer being self-employed."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

How are you at decision making?

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I don't like your application."

Between Offices

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

In and Out Sourced.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."