Self-employment Seeker Gifts

"You can call them up and they come round and talk you out of it..."

"Being a pet is all right, but I prefer being self-employed."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I don't like your application."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Between Offices

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

In and Out Sourced.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."