Self-diagnosis Satirist Pillows

"Thank goodness she hasn't reached 'Hypochonria' yet!"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Bald Man Overcomb

New from Lockdown Press

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

"Long term I'm worried about global warming - short term, about freezing my ass off."

Slower than a rubber-tipped arrow,as powerful as a wind-up choo-choo, unable to step over his shoelaces, it's Copyright Free Man!

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

Cat Self-Help Support Group

'The real me is for lawlessness and disorder.'

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

Business Seminar: How to profit from inflation.

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

'Actually, I learned a lot in college, but there are very few job openings out there for expert beer drinkers.'

'Don't try and cheer yourself up. Leave it to us experts.'

"I've just joined a support group for boring people."