Self-care Critic Pillows

"He said to take two aspirins and call him in the morning? Ridiculous! Take three aspirins and call me in the morning."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

Self help acupuncture

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Work/Life Balance

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

The adoration of the gels.

Spa

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

Bad fake tan day.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Bad hair day!

Surfing the daily stress

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Try thinking about something else."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Pampered and poodled.