Self-care Skeptics Pillows

"I never worry about my weight since I can't see myself in mirrors anyway!"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Self-esteem room

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

Breast Height Chart

Sheep In Curlers

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."

'Mom's Spa'

"That can't be right. How'd you work 15 hours in on day?"

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

"This tea isn't helping – I'm taking a gummy."

"Hair spray"

"I told the doctor about my problems with anxiety and burnout and he wrote me a prescription for me an one for himself."

New from Low-Key Press.

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

Bald Man Overcomb

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"I know you're always taking care of everyone else, but you need to take care of yourself, too. Also, I need my stethoscope back."

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.