Self-care Champ Pillows

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Self help acupuncture

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

The adoration of the gels.

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

Spa

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Surfing the daily stress

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

Dating is so expensive...

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Self-esteem room

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"Are you OK hun?"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Mr Metrosexual.

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Breast Height Chart

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."