Self-aware Snacker Pillows

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Champagne

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

Breakfast surreal.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Wow, you've got to try this combination."

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

"They're boulettes de viande. They're meatballs. They're balls of meat."

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

The four major food groups.

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

New beef chart.

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

Supermarket Aisles.

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

"Aw. I thought you said Pizza tonight."

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

"The only thing healthy in this corporate culture is the yogurt in that snack machine."

Green Cross Code: Avoid cars, avoid meat, avoid fur.

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

'If I collapse there's a cherry danish in my lunchbox.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'Is the mouse free-range?'

"Don't forget to deduct 2 pounds for my clothes and 5.5 ounces for my phone."