Guilt-free Snacker Pillows

"Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later."

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Chocs away.

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

"Works every time."

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Cookie Thief

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Meat Department

The four major food groups.

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"Put some spiritual food in there."

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

Meditation Munchies

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Self Service, Self Denial

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

"First the good news, there's no longer any point in you eating broccoli."

Recipes from the Revised Senior Citizen Cookbook

Supermarket Aisles.