Self-aware Foodie Pillows

Soda! So many useless calories! Oh? You're wondering why I'm still round if I don't drink the stuff? Well? I got fat the old-fashioned way. I eat too much.

But is it organic?

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

'Diet considerations.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Trade you lunches?'

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

Complex Carbs

"The food is excellent. Unfortunately, the inaction of politicians forces my husband to civil disobedience."

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'd like a vanilla cupcake with buttercream icing on the side."

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house, but we can do it for 40% less carbs and no trans fats!'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'

World Meat Consumptiom

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

The food inspector

"No dolphins where harmed in the preparation of this Tuna sandwich."

"I never saw such overweight mice before."

After eating here for years, I've come down with abdominal pain and fatigue. Oh yeah? Also, irritability, sleep problems, headaches, loss of appetite, inexplicable weight loss, vomiting and constipation. Also, it took me three whole hours to figure out my new Apple watch, so chalk me up for learning difficulties. You're not by chance trying to get in one last lawsuit before Trump deregulates everything, are you? Heavens, no. Just feeling a little lead-poisony is all I'm saying.