Self-assembly Gifts

'The directions were easy to understand...until you got past step 2.'

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

I cut my own hair — using a drone.

Robot arm shows charity to a laid off beggar.

"If I've got to work for a tyrant . . . I may as well work for myself."

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

'I don't actually work for you. I'm a consultant.'

The Real American Dream

Self-employed.

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

"Relax. They come in pieces."

'I'll give him twenty minutes, then jump in and show him how its done.'

Self-Assembly Bookcase

Two men creating themselves with a pencil and paintbrush.

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

Home Business - Starting Out.

'Sorry darling: I'm a great ape, I can use primitive tools, but this is too difficult for me...'

'I decided on a home based business after my car was repossessed.'

Employee of the Month: One of the perks of self-employment

"The house needs to have comfortable window ledges. Lots of windows! And a fireplace!"

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Mr. & Mrs. Putty get dream home.

"Right now I'm his apostle, but my dream is to someday be my own Messiah."

"Couldn't stand working for the man, so I started my own business. Now I just can't stand working."

"I think oral sex is when they just talk about it."

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Harold's problem is that he puts his pants on two legs at a time.

"Sigh...Iconoclastic, but not an icon."

"I'm sorry. Now that everyone's home reading, watching movies, educating themselves, and reflecting on the meaning of life, there's just no money for the arts."

Inflate a job!