Seeking Partner Gifts

'Can't be high-maintenance, but she must have class. Economy class.'

'This bloke's perfect in every way - except... he's trying to find a partner on the internet...'

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

Sculptor making a statue to hug.

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Take You Home

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie."

"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

As our CEO-in-Chief has demonstrated, it's good for a businessman to surround himself with children who'll cover for … I mean, help him. I've tried adopting a baby, but the agency grew suspicious just because I asked for the type least likely to sell out its parent. Unfortunately, I can't just clone myself. I need an actual mate if I want to produce accomplices ... I mean "off-spring." Your job, minion, is to craft a date-a-dude.com profile for me that'll recruit ... I mean "attract" a suitable

"We met online, it was love at first site."

'...And preferably someone with a blood donor card.'

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"The full partner look."

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

'Here we've both been, breaking our necks to meet the right person, and BAM!'

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

Computer dating.

"I've found someone else who thinks I'm really attractive."

A princess looking for frogs

Girl praying for love

Having shrewdly grabbed a window fan to bulk up his shirt, Winston hoped his buff look would land him a date.

"Is there a doctor in the house...hopefully unmarried?"

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."

"Is he a good alimony risk?"

'I know I've met Mr. Right this time - we both hate Jim Carrey!'

"All the good ones are either married or identify as gatherers."

"Y'know, I'm also into gene editing."

'You're breaking your mothers heart, Vinnie! Would it kill you to settle down with a nice girl like Nancy?'

"You might like my daughter. She's single and desperate too."

'I know she's not much to look at, but neither are you!'

"Have you tried finessing her?"