Seeking Legal Protection Gifts

Protection of battered women

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Fleeing Kabul

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

"First, admit no harm."

'Nice, but let's call them the 'Bill of Rights' instead of the 'Bill of Loopholes'.'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

Marriage & Divorce.

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'I've done some of my best work pro bono ... darn it?'

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

Hands off my IP

'Remember to stay downwind from him, he can smell fear.'

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

"It's legal – but not entirely."

'Here's where we went wrong - you applied for chapter 11, but you only qualify for chapter 6!'

'I've learned one thing in my years of experience in the business world -- never see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first.'

So...who is your provider ?

'I like the fact you're innocent, but it would be even better if you were a celebrity.'

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'