Seeking Companionship Gifts

"I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

Small ads

A crowd of happy pet owners.

Cling-On Dog

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

"Any chance of upping the affection quota, given the current situation?"

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"When the world gives you mean and macho, reach for licks and love."

Sculptor making a statue to hug.

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I don't want to be alone when I'm old, either, so when we're old let's get back in touch."

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

Canine Grammar. Getting a Master's. Shelter Adoptions. Getting masters.

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

Take You Home

"What I like most about you, Roberts, old boy, is that you don't talk back."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"Television repairs....Don't you want to see my identity?"

Best Pals

"Now I'm well, I miss my doctor."

Old man

Assisted Living.

Emotional Support Dog

'Thanks for keeping me company Liz: Sitting on my eggs all day long can be a bit lonely...'

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Elderly couple

'Hey, I could help you with your homework, don't eat much, plus you never have to walk me. What do you say?'