Security System Skeptic Pillows

'Hi. I'm going house to house selling home security systems.'

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"We weren't pleased with our previous system."

'And when an intruder crosses its beam, it enshrouds him with an eerie silence.'

"The thief took everything except his TV, computer and phone. My advice to him was to set up a security system, and then update his technology."

"Cute, but is he a good guard?"

UK border controls relaxed.

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

Privacy Conference Security

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Can't you anarchists do anything within the system?

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

Automation of Security

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

Obama's surveillance of America.

'CIA Surveillance of my senate committee violates the fourth amendment...'

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

"No, your cats don't bother me. I work under constant surveillance at the office."

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

Your DNA is in the database.

"Your calls may be monitored for training purposes..."

"Of course, Perkins likes to think he can make it to the top outside the corporate structure."

'This is you hotel. . . it has no TV, but every room is equipped with CCTV.'

Freedom Puppet

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Actually, I'm tired of the man trying to shape our minds so they fit into some pre-arranged societal widget."

Privacy Conference Security

'I'm going to have to go with the leeches on this one....'

Domestic spying.

'The government is offering us financial incentives to offer out staff financial incentives to offer our customers financial incentives to come up withsome good ideas for financial incentives.'