Security System Euphemist Pillows

Christmas card access

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"There you go Dad, now, instead of just thumping the ground, you can press the red button to raise the alarm..."

Automation of Security

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

'Mr. Schmenk will see you now...IN PERSON.'

Shepherd watching sheep on closed circuit TV

Safe under mattress.

"Beware of watchdog."

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'This car has a very sophisticated security system! Your dad kicked the tire and it kicked him back.'

"Maximum security prison"

Facial Recognition Software Installed

Salesman sees house with a HUGE doggy door.

'Did you remember to lock the house?'

"Did you remember to turn on the alarm?"

A Snake Creeps up on a Security Guard.

'Bob installed a lazer security system. He's a little protective of his new car.'

'...I still the the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top!'

Selling Home Security Systems.

'We've been robbed!'

Monitor Lizard.

The car alarm snooze button.

Chickens with high-voltage gate security system.

"Our security is so tight even out security cameos are under surveillance."

'Our body scanner has broken down, so I'm going to have to imagine what you look like with no clothes on!'

Man being mugged while watched on TV by security cameras.

'We just wanted to let you know that the US military is protecting your home.'

'Oh God, trust security to have found the hidden agenda!'