Security Stickler Gifts

TSA Noah

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Where's my glove?'

Camping with Mr. Thorough

I have a new linguistic pet peeve. It's when, instead of just saying something like, "Bob ate a sandwich," people say, "Bob, he ate a sandwich." It drives me absolutely crazy. Speaking as a psychiatrist, that's a short drive, Al.

Automation of Security

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

The Atomium Bombs

Baseball player wearing a face mask.

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Access Assessments

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"Why does he keep in the same players?"

'The brakes are a bit dodgy, but the very loud horn compensates for that.'

D.I.Y ladder

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

The Muscle in Brussels

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

"It's an alarm sensor. It barks like a dog when someone's at the door."

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

Health and Safety vs Lawyers.

'I'll take this one.'

"No no no...You can kick the ball into touch, not the opposition!"

"I'm sure it is making work more enjoyable. However, there maybe some liability issues."

"The Department of Revenue and Tax? No, sorry, never heard of it before. You must have dialed the wrong number. This is the Department of Tax and Revenue."