Security Staff T-Shirts

"What's great about this job is the anti-social interaction."

'Simkins, I want a word with you lad...'

"Do we allow a potential terrorist on board, or do we get sued silly for discriminating against the body mass index-challenged?"

Dance Club Bouncer with scars "Must be Ska night."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'You know too much,'

Multi-tasking.

High security Santa's grotto

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Airport Security.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'These are job perks.'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

'Where was the TSA?'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

"He's a guard dog."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

TSA Noah

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I need to know who started it."

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'