Security Silliness Gifts

"They're suppositories. Well what other type of drugs do you expect me to smuggle in."

UK border controls relaxed.

Airport Security.

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Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

How to create a password you can remember...

Munich Security Conference

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

'Hello, security.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Your DNA is in the database.

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

What security flaw?

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

"I typed the incorrect password for my online banking so much that not only did they lock me out - they locked me up."

Airport security - next step?

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Advanced Password Hint

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

This homeland security is getting out of hand.

"That'll keep them out."

'It's okay, mom. I go through this every day at school.'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"...This one comes with the latest security devices...'

'And I think you'll be very impressed with the new network security system we just installed!'

'For your safety, these stalls are monitored by a single person in a discreet location.'

"When I asked you of you were ready for this promotion, you flailed uncontrollably. Was that a lie?"