Security Gadgets Fan Pillows

'Now that's what I call a guard dog.'

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

Tuppermalware

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

"We don't need facial recognition for our long-term employees. We just match their butts to the seat of their chair."

Genetic Engineering - biohazards dept.

'Very impressive resume... new printer?'

'I'm a firm believer in not going out of my way to give employees the opportunity to test their honesty.'

Remote Toaster

Godzilla's Security Question

Putin and some Russian hackers

"Sign of the times, eh?"

The car alarm snooze button.

'Yes I suppose it is a bit more fiddly than a crooklock...'

'My home's got 'fortress' features galore - the best burglar alarm - armed security guards - intercom system - closed-circuit television - etc. ... I'm a virtual prisoner in my own home!'

We know your e-mail address!

Something keeps shorting out my bug zapper. Maybe it's lightning bugs!

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

Conspiracy theories club - trust no one! (CCTV cameras watching each other).

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Sorry, guys, but it only opens for my paw print."

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

"Can I see some I.D. - not that security doesn't already have you pegged."

"Security, would you review the surveillance tape and tell me where the hell I placed my keys?"

Air Bag.

'My new security system vaporizes anyone who gets too close to my bike. I'm going to miss Jim.'

America's Funniest Surveillance Camera Videos

"Here, let me take that for you."

Warning: This car is protected by powerful anti-squeegee devices.

Father Christmas under CCTV surveillance going down a chimney.

'I'm afraid we aren't open to the public yet.'