Security Gadget Fan Pillows

"Can I see some I.D. - not that security doesn't already have you pegged."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"How do I turn Alexa off?"

"We don't need facial recognition for our long-term employees. We just match their butts to the seat of their chair."

Genetic Engineering - biohazards dept.

'I'm a firm believer in not going out of my way to give employees the opportunity to test their honesty.'

'Very impressive resume... new printer?'

Remote Toaster

Godzilla's Security Question

Man looking at window with beware of attack bird sign.

Putin and some Russian hackers

"Sign of the times, eh?"

We know your e-mail address!

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

"Sorry, guys, but it only opens for my paw print."

Betty liked to use safety glasses

'Now that's what I call a guard dog.'

'This chap's been through every day since we got the new scanners.'

"Security, would you review the surveillance tape and tell me where the hell I placed my keys?"

Air Bag.

'My new security system vaporizes anyone who gets too close to my bike. I'm going to miss Jim.'

"Can I borrow your selfie stick?"

Warning: This car is protected by powerful anti-squeegee devices.

America's Funniest Surveillance Camera Videos

Father Christmas under CCTV surveillance going down a chimney.

"These cowbells are driving me crazy. If they want to track us, they should just give us smart phones."

'I'm afraid we aren't open to the public yet.'

"I need to turn the vibrate down on my smartwatch. Every time I get a call I spill coffee all over myself."