Security Experts Gifts

"Any ID aside from dental records?"

The National Intelligence Agency gives Congress a modified briefing on election security.

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

The new US Embassy in London is conceived as a solar collector, with pillow like panels of high-tech plastic and photovoltaic cells....and emegency vertical takeoff capability,

"To insure better robberies in the future, would you be willing to log onto my website and fill out a short survey?"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"He's a guard dog."

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

"I see you've security marked your property."

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

AI Safety Officer

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"Ok, I found a secure line."

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Beware of Don"