Securities Gifts

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

The Anti-Agent

Chase me, chase me cows.

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

Will work for ETFs

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

The Scanner Of Love.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

A Little Extra

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Moulin Rouge Security

"Beware of Don"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Death to the Extremists

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"We've been cancelled."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'