Secret Restaurant Explorer T-Shirts

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I come here for the pepper."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Believe me, you don't want to know what's in it.'

Haute Chinese

Platter confusion.

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cheese Secret

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"You were right-we should have just split one."

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"Our Fettuccine is eaten with spoon and fork. Angle Hair gets a comb and scissors."

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

'I like a table next to the action.'

'...and, after the chef's surprise, we have the cashier's surprise.'

"It's all down to turmeric!"