Secret Restaurant Explorer T-Shirts

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I come here for the pepper."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Believe me, you don't want to know what's in it.'

Haute Chinese

Platter confusion.

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cheese Secret

"More croutons, sir?"

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"Our Fettuccine is eaten with spoon and fork. Angle Hair gets a comb and scissors."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

NDAs for non VIPs

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

'I like a table next to the action.'

I'll pretend I know anything about our wines, if you'll nod and pretend you have a clue about what I'm talking about.

"Don't order the calamari."