Secret Document Collector T-Shirts

'I'm sorry sir. I'm afraid you can't see the menu. It's top secret.'

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Oh great, the printer is down."

Bearded Leftie.

Private Viewing

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

"What's that smell?" "A paper cut."

The not so secret life of Walter Mitty

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

Files of Doom

Oh my goodness, you're right - I've only been hiding from myself!

"Whoa, I guess dad and mom didn’t send Scraps off to live on a farm after all."

Closet.

Myths and Other Urban Legends

Watergate is just the tip of the iceberg phobia. 'I have here secret government documents that describe the events leading up to Custer's Last Stand.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"Now, there are just a few more forms for you to sign, and then we're done!"

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

"You should get that looked at, laddie."

"I can't understand how it got lost - I haven't filed it yet"

'This is a secret family recipe. Speaking of family secrets, you were adopted.'

'I've bought all your books online, can you sign my e-book?'

'I'm Smallfoot, Bigfoot's cousin!'

'I have here secret government documents that describe the events leading up to Custer's Last Stand.'

Cartoonists.

'Man i'm getting FED UP with all this junk male!!'

"I am Big Foot's brother, but please, don't ask my name."

'Just because!'

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

'It's probably just a weather balloon.'

Man marks documents as 'Illegal', 'Sweet Spot' and 'Legal'.

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."